Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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