so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
