Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I intend to get homeless drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
