Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
