if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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