You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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