Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
