the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
