you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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