You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Randomize
