im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
God I need to hump something, right now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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