I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
