I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
