The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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