my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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