dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
