it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
