haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Someone came in the potted fern
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
