My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
