..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
zippers are such a cool invention
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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