...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
