My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
