I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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