omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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