If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
