Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
