so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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