He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
