im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
