Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
