She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
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