OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So many bounce houses so little time
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
