theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
50% drunk capacity currently
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
