that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
