Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
