I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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