I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
