My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
