that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
