Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
