Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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