Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
