I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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