I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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