i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
