i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
