I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
