He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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