I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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