oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
