Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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