my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
