handjob tips. give me some.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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