I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
