I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
