dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
