I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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