he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
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She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
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Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...