i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background