Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen

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  (586): if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen http://tfl.nu/wvv2
  Replies (0) Good night (1441) Bad night (557)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.

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  (212): I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet. http://tfl.nu/8wa0
  Replies (8) Good night (4050) Bad night (527)
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  (415): View more from California

  He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.

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  (415): He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal. http://tfl.nu/3jar
  Replies (72) Good night (1821) Bad night (5969)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now

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  (314): like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now http://tfl.nu/ltgd
  Replies (32) Good night (1245) Bad night (4143)
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  (916): View more from California

  Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.

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  (916): Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown. http://tfl.nu/0cdq
  Replies (5) Good night (3430) Bad night (1208)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today

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  (708): hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today http://tfl.nu/usqr
  Replies (10) Good night (1840) Bad night (1173)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.

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  (425): She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why. http://tfl.nu/ircc
  Replies (6) Good night (1654) Bad night (998)
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  (731): View more from Tennessee

  I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.

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  (731): I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come. http://tfl.nu/qxho
  Replies (5) Good night (998) Bad night (1611)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina

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  (770): i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina http://tfl.nu/n7ey
  Replies (5) Good night (621) Bad night (1333)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...

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  (440): Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet... http://tfl.nu/o56f
  Replies (2) Good night (837) Bad night (405)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.

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  (613): I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated. http://tfl.nu/yhxc
  Replies (3) Good night (1184) Bad night (421)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities

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  (419): Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities http://tfl.nu/xynh
  Replies (9) Good night (466) Bad night (1771)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late

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  (775): This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late http://tfl.nu/ovyj
  Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (305)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him

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  (732): You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him http://tfl.nu/pbux
  Replies (1) Good night (744) Bad night (315)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  You went to a drug deal in a onesie.

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  (417): You went to a drug deal in a onesie. http://tfl.nu/7cu7
  Replies (3) Good night (851) Bad night (241)

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