Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.

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(936): View more from Texas

he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.

(812): View more from Indiana

and...?

(936): View more from Texas

I told him it was alright.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(201): View more from New Jersey

just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.

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(941): View more from Florida

Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.

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(850): View more from Florida

I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.

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(862): View more from New Jersey

I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.

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(580): View more from Oklahoma

Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown

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