Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dignity is for republicans.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you