Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion

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(215): I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion http://tfl.nu/gpfj

Replies (68) Good night (4791) Bad night (821)
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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.

(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

thats a woman

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(709): she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her. (709): thats a woman http://tfl.nu/e6ls

Replies (10) Good night (1366) Bad night (1966)
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(636): View more from Missouri

FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.

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(636): FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust. http://tfl.nu/5llx

Replies (8) Good night (4105) Bad night (841)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.

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(540): I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking. http://tfl.nu/rroe

Replies (25) Good night (2594) Bad night (4840)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.

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(918): i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break. http://tfl.nu/35mv

Replies (65) Good night (9908) Bad night (838)
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(251): View more from Alabama

When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?

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(251): When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail? http://tfl.nu/evev

Replies (7) Good night (2955) Bad night (979)
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(432): View more from Texas

Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter

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(432): Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter http://tfl.nu/o41k

Replies (10) Good night (2270) Bad night (667)
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(714): View more from California

Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.

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(714): Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends. http://tfl.nu/11t7

Replies (21) Good night (899) Bad night (2622)
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(602): View more from Arizona

They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.

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(602): They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't. http://tfl.nu/kn7x

Replies (2) Good night (1186) Bad night (536)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats

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(717): I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats http://tfl.nu/ivyy

Replies (0) Good night (441) Bad night (668)
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(208): View more from Idaho

I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.

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(208): I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles. http://tfl.nu/64t5

Replies (3) Good night (1807) Bad night (446)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.

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(630): I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila. http://tfl.nu/fzc9

Replies (3) Good night (422) Bad night (607)
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(773): View more from Illinois

well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start

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(773): well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start http://tfl.nu/6z20

Replies (1) Good night (308) Bad night (701)
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(256): View more from Alabama

If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.

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(256): If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch. http://tfl.nu/w52p

Replies (0) Good night (445) Bad night (239)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.

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(630): He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call. http://tfl.nu/ffg6

Replies (1) Good night (447) Bad night (345)

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