I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
