I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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