Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
