She said her name was "party"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
