Yo dont text me then not text me
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
