your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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