i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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