I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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