Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
