I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
