I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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