I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
did i walk over a car last night?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
