so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
