she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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